Secret Christian crushes: the minister

The old saying goes that behind every great man stands a great woman, and that’s all sweet and sentimental and stuff. But have you ever thought that you had found a great man and started convincing yourself that you could be his great woman? There are some things, we, as single Christian girls are not supposed to talk about. One of them is our secret crushes on the minister.

During the first year theology student’s introduction week earlier this year we had a couple of ministers come to talk to us about what we could expect from going into ministry one day. They touched on issues like the difficulty of funerals and counselling and time management but a large chunk of their time was used to discuss what they deemed the most important point: get married before you go into ministry.

Firstly, they gave some genuine points for their argument. They said that if we remain single, we need to understand that there’s going to be a significant limitation on our ability to serve as ministers. We were going to be entering into a field whose hiring overwhelmingly prefer married people and, especially, faithfully married people with children. They explained that this is mainly based on irrational fears: that a single minister cannot counsel a mostly married flock, that he might sow turmoil by flirting with a church member, or that he might be gay.

Then they shifted their view and explained that being a young single minister is in a new congregation is like being a trophy…being hunted by all the other single church goers. They explained how as young single ministers they were constantly being pursued by girls who joined every single church activity and how outreaches to old-age homes became awkward when every grandma had a ‘cute, single, granddaughter’ she needed to introduce him to. Now, this sounded interesting.

We have four ministers at our church, three are happily married and the fourth (also the youngest) has recently entered into a relationship. But before he entered the mysterious world of being in a relationship I witnessed the phenomenon of brutal competition in the Christian dating world first hand.

Now, you might ask why this fierce competitiveness to land the minister. Think about a typical minister’s job description: to be kind, helpful, and authoritative, love God, be a good listener, be caring, give to the community, the ability to lead etc.  They’re polished and articulate wise people in whom you can confide about anything (including relationship and spiritual dilemmas).  

Now think of the qualities of an ideal partner… a lot of things you associate with being a good minister or priest are also what makes a man a good partner.

Being drawn to a minister is a result of the same dynamic that fuels many women’s crushes on other authoritative types who, by definition, are helping them: their shrinks, their teachers, their personal trainers, their vets. I have also been guilty of this sin. Let’s just say that God blessed the younger minister at our church with the gift of being ridiculously good looking. I remember the delight of not noticing a ring on his finger during the first few meetings. I learned, rather quickly though, that for me it was a case of being able to relate very clearly to the role, but this does not necessarily mean that we relate to the person.

Now, if you happen to be in the position of having a crush on your minister, there are some rules you should probably follow. 

1. It’s okay to pray for your minister. It’s not okay to pray for your minister.

Maybe you’ve come to take 1Thessalonians 5:25 a tad too literally.

2. Accept that you are not the only girl in church who has noticed that he is not wearing a wedding ring.

Of one thing I am certain. Many diabolical schemes have been hatched, birthday wishes have been made, prayers have been said, secret séances have been conducted, and even crimes have been committed, all in the name of landing a minister as a spouse.

3. Don’t mention this to anyone. Especially the other girls in the “singles group”.

This will only start the rumour mill—sometimes presented under the guise of "Christian caring" or "shared prayer concerns" and before long everyone will know that you have a crush on the minister. I also mentioned that this is a brutal competition, right? You will loose friends. Jealousy is an ugly thing

    4. You are probably not being wooed, you are being witnessed

 I have seen girls disillusioned when the minister asked them to participate in a Bible-study or other church-related activities. You have not just been propositioned for a date and I can guarantee that ministers don’t use the ‘flirt-to-convert’ tactic.

5. You don’t have to show a minister that you are church-spouse material

Oh, this takes on many forms. If you are considering one of the following actions… Stop. Think. Don’t do it.

Entering the baking competitions with old-age homes. If you start to wear only necklaces with crosses on it as an expression of your faith. You know it has gone too far as you seriously start contemplating if you should really get that Hebrew tattoo that only ‘he’ will be able to read.

I still have 5 years of studying ahead of me. 5 years to find a spouse. Not for my own personal gain, but for the kingdom of course. Ha!

Ah yes, spending your single years in a state of desperation does not exclude the girls in church.

So keep the faith that God is still writing your story of love and fulfilment. He promised to give us the desires of our hearts, and unless you sincerely desire to be alone forever, He’ll provide your wants and needs (even if that means marrying a minister). We just have to trust in the timing of His will.

So cheers to the ‘hunt’ girls!