She's just not that into you...

I don't like rejecting people. It's pretty bad. This dating thing is hard.

I’ve only been on two dates now but the last date made me realize that when we date we put so much on the line. We put ourselves out there – our emotions, our hearts, our hopes.

Number 2 sent me an SMS yesterday. He would like to have dinner some time. Yes, a second date.

Crap! Now I’m thinking ‘was I too friendly?’ and ‘how could he have misinterpreted my closed body language?’

I sought advice. My dad suggested I just go on the date but be frank about the fact that he really shouldn’t expect more from me. My sister then added I should definitely go because it means a free meal... 

Do you understand why I don’t usually go to my family for advice on relationships?

The owner of the dating service suggested I use ‘I’ve become so busy’ or ‘I’ve bumped into someone else’. Are you kidding me? No one would believe a brainless excuse like that. Would you believe that someone’s life could change that drastically in 48 hours? Thanks a lot old lady. For nothing!

A friend at church said that I should be honest and decline the offer. Saying “you’ve made up your mind, and when you do, it’s time to tell them how you feel.”  This is the best way. I won’t string a guy along, because that’s really unkind in the long run.

But, how exactly does one tell another person that you are not interested?

It’s so tempting to want to avoid confrontation or hurt feelings. My mind is so evil that I can easily reason that vanishing without a trace is better than rejecting someone out right…right?

But seriously, does spending several days or weeks blatantly ignoring lying, and/or going out of your way to purposefully humiliate someone in the hopes that they will finally just get so fed up with your tiresome antics that they just give up in frustrated exasperation sound in any way more appealing or polite than just a simple "No, thank you, but I'm not interested?"

By not addressing the situation, I will succeed at exactly the thing I want to avoid: hurting someone. I will be doing no one any favours and only making myself look like a jerk. No one deserves to be left hanging without explanation. It is inconsiderate and unnecessary.

What if the tables were turned? I would like someone to show the same respect. I guess I will have to make every effort to handle the situation with an appropriate level of consideration and maturity. I have to be clear, concise, direct, to the point, honest, respectful... what's "better" than that?

Should I give a brief thanks, but no thanks? No long winded explanation needed. Should I go with "In spite of the good time/conversation we’ve shared, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s best not to continue dating. You’re a wonderful person with many great qualities. But I am looking for someone who matches with my unique interests, goals and personality in a different way. I certainly hope you can understand because I enjoyed meeting you and wish you the best." It seems so much better than the ‘it’s me, not you…’ excuse, right?

I hate this situation though. My mind is going crazy just thinking of Number 2 scrunched up in front of the TV reading the soon to be released She’s just not that into you.

And then, late last night, I got an SMS from Number 1! Yes, after no contact for a week I got the “Hey, how’s it going?” SMS.

My general impression from this kind of communication is that they only call or SMS when they need something. It might be attention, an ego stroke or an armchair psychologist. Do you know the kind? I like to call them they I-don’t-like-you-I-like-the-attention types. I know because I have made myself guilty to this crime before. I think we all use people like this at one stage in our lives.

That SMS was definitely a preamble to something. I didn’t reply. This type of rejection is much easier for me. This is definitely a situation that validates blatantly ignoring someone.

This is what makes dating hard – rejection. I guess finding the right person always comes with some degree of trial and error. Goodness. I am realizing that this journey is going to teach me a few serious lessons.

So, cheers to continuing this journey while becoming a better person!