My date with Number 2

It’s balding season people! They. Are. Everywhere. Yes, I had my date with Number 2 earlier today and it was… well, hair-raising.

I was quite excited for this date. I thought that if I had spent 90 minutes talking to Number 1 before the date and we still had an hour and a half date, 4 minutes with Number 2 before we met was going to mean that we had lots to talk about… oh, how wrong I was.

He sent me a SMS as I was parking that he was standing in front of the coffee shop. I was to look for someone tall, with black hair and a striped shirt.

I stood there like an idiot for about 5 minutes scanning the area and even the surrounding shops because when he finally spotted me he didn’t have much hair. The hair that was present on the shiny head was grey and if you have to use a microscope to identify the stripes on a shirt just say ‘I’m wearing a blue shirt’.

I can’t lie – I was seriously taken aback by his appearance. I could feel myself turning some very odd shade of red as we were being seated by the waiter who clearly thought I was having coffee with my dad.

I started the conversation with some basic questions like ‘what do you do exactly’ and ‘what do you keep yourself busy with besides work’.

He is a chartered accountant in the transport industry, but was a captain in the army ‘overseeing their finances’ before that. He keeps himself busy with watching movies and playing video games. After a brief introduction from my side the awkwardness began. We have nothing in common. The owner of the dating service seriously mistook his ‘love for wildlife’ (as in protecting animals) for my love for wildlife – hunting animals to make biltong! This was followed by strained silence and forced small talk and staring at our coffee.

He did get very excited when he started talking about his extensive DVD collection and PC games. (Yes, he is 35…) In fact, he nearly knocked over his coffee three times mimicking the movements of his last fight with a make-belief controller in hand.

More excruciating silence ensues. I’m thinking, “Why doesn’t he ask me any questions? Or maybe I should—but I don’t know what to say! How can I get out of this?” On it goes. More mute lulls. More mechanical questions. More coffee staring.

We were now about half an hour into the date when he suddenly apologizes, explaining that he is a very socially awkward person and doesn’t get out much, preferring to stay at home. He doesn’t even like going to his own work functions and he wouldn’t even dream of attending the social nights that the dating service organizes.

That hit me. I grew up feeling exactly this way – wasn’t I also once the one that everyone was judging for bad hair and being shy? Just not knowing how to talk to people and express myself or any emotions. I was feeling genuinely sorry for this guy now and very ashamed for judging him like that.

So, I started asking him about his experience with the dating service. He has been a part of the service for over a year now. He has never attended a workshop or social evening and feels too shy to even call the owner to report back on how the dates went. I just listened. He was venting now and I think he needed it.

I didn’t offer any suggestions, I didn’t lecture him about ‘getting out there more’ and I didn’t judge him anymore. I let him explain what he was looking for and why he thought he hadn’t found it yet. We don’t always have answers to these questions and I sure wasn’t going to act like I did.

We ended the date joking about how we needed to get back home to watch the rugby alone. We discovered that we both support the Blue Bulls and we wished each other well.

Today, I realized that when spend too much time alone you can develop your social awkwardness mistakes unconsciously. I believe that there is a girl who will love him for just being Number 2. A girl that will add just the right amount of flavor to the popcorn for movie nights and who actually knows what Call of duty entails.  Good on him for having the courage to join a dating service and thank goodness I’ve joined as well. I spend way too much time alone. I’ve checked Facebook and Twitter about three times just writing this entry.

Was it a good date? Oh, hell no. I think we both realized it, though. Was it a significant encounter? I would like to think so. I’ve always believed that by being friendly you will put others at ease, find ways to break the ice and give others less socially savvy the freedom to be more open and vulnerable around you.

If you're not used to being friendly, try it. It will grow on you as you realize that it's a lot easier than maintaining a guarded, cautious and non-trusting front all the time.

Cheers to another date and continuing to share the best of yourself without worrying what others think!