Some people call it Valentine's Day - I call it thanks-for-reminding-me-that-my-life-sucks!

Ah, Valentines Day. I find it amusing that a day that is supposed to be all about love can conjure so much hatred inside of me. Yes, it is because I’m single. Still single.

Call it whatever you want, Valentines Day, Singles Awareness Day or Forever Alone Day, this day comes every year 14 February and to be single on it sucks. Don’t try to fool me with all that ‘I’m so content and free’ crap. Not on Valentine’s Day. This is a day where even a cute angelic depiction of Cupid wants me yelling: "Get the hell away from me - you useless, flying, half naked, midget bastard!" Yes, I have some rage issues.

Being single on this day, February 14, means you’re way more single than you are on February 13 or February 15. Like, way more. Now, there’s a lot more you can do than cry, eat ice cream, and feel bad for yourself.

Last year, I got extremely drunk and passed out in a parking lot. Not good. So, this year I decided that I needed a plan. 

Moving on up...

I’ve been a bad blogger. It has been far too long since I have last written a post. I have been busy though. I spent two weeks on what you can call an African safari, whitewater rafting the mighty Zambezi river, helicopter rides, exploring Botswana from Savuti to the beautiful Okavango Delta. Back home I spent my time packing and abusing the uncapped ADSL line.

Yes, I am way too excited to move out of this hell hole that is Kempton Park. Hate might be too strong of a word, but I dislike my home town a lot – way too many bad memories. I have lived in Pretoria before for 4 years when completing my first degree and I can’t wait to get back.

As every year ends I move into a mode of self-evaluation. I start questioning where I am, what I’ve accomplished, what I still want to do, what I need to change and the list goes on. I’ve been wrestling with the idea of “place” a lot lately. I’ve got this overwhelming feeling that God wants me somewhere else.

I've been reading...

I have spent the last three days as a hermit. I have literally just left the house to attend a small year-end function (from which I escaped early) and to eat. I have read it… the forbidden fruit of books…50 Shades of Grey and the other two in the E.L James trilogy.

I freaking LOVED the books! I could not put them down. I don’t know if it has just been a really long time since I last read anything non-academic or if it was because these were my first ‘erotic’ novels.

Do it right: Body Language

I am finally on holiday – which means that I have been getting some much needed sleep, been lazing around the house and doing all kinds of random stuff, anything but work. This is probably the reason why I am only getting to this post now.

I set out last Saturday morning for my first ‘Do It Right Saturday Session’ with the dating service. The topic was body language and more specifically does your body language sabotage your dating?

I arrived at the four star guesthouse early, got my nametag and some coffee and scanned the audience, all ladies, and all old. The ladies were aged approximately from 30 up to one whom I guess is approaching 60 soon. It did wonders for my self esteem. I won’t lie – this session was also a good way to get a glimpse of the other ladies who my dates will be possibly meeting.

The speaker was Prof. Anske Grobler who is the Head of the Division of Communication Management at the University of Pretoria.  She is an expert in the field of Body Language since the mid-Eighties and has been invited to comment in the media on – amongst others – the non-verbal communication of politicians and even analyzed Nelson Mandela’s non-verbal communication during his release from prison.  She’s obviously an expert but as she is also a member of the dating service which showed me early on that using body language will not guarantee you a ‘hubby’.

It is nearly impossible to sum up the three hour ‘mini-seminar’ into one post and even more difficult to translate the non-verbal into the readable verbal… but here goes.

Dating, it's a numbers game

I have only one exam left. Hallelujah! I’ll be writing Ancient Culture Studies on the 27^th and then I will be able to give my full attention to lounging around my house, tracking through Africa by 4x4 and packing for my move to Pretoria.

I have been quiet on the blog, studying, preparing for an event I’m speaking at tomorrow night and writing Greek. It has been a very depressing time indeed. I can barely contain myself for tonight where I will finally be able to socialize with my church buddies at our weekly gathering.

As my brain is still on full academic mode and the depression of exams is still with me I decided to write a quick post that will hopefully ruin your day as well.

Dating, it’s a numbers game.

If you ask the pessimists or the cynics what the probability is of meeting your soul mate their answer is simple: 0% “because man is naturally polygamous and love doesn’t exist”.

Now, of course, the first step is believing that your “soul mate” exists. I know a lot of people don’t believe that everyone has a soul mate, but for the purposes of this post, let’s just ignore them

Our country has recently released the statistics from the 2011 census and I have been busy crunching some numbers:

My date with Number 3

I woke up yesterday morning for my date with Number 3 and my body had decided that it had turned into a snot-producing-super-machine. It was ugly.

I dosed myself with every type of flu medicine I had at my disposal, determined not to cancel 3 hours before a date and set off. Number 3 had suggested that we have a ‘breakfast date’ at a coffee shop. Coffee dates are what the dating service recommends. No alcohol involved, low cost, ability to excuse yourself early etc.

I was sitting outside the coffee shop and I quickly reflected on the few facts the dating service had given me on Number 3:

He is 34 years old.

He has never been married.

He works as an electrical engineer. He has a Masters degree.

He likes biking, symphony orchestras and Cinema Nouveau.

I really had no expectation of this date to be anything but sheer hell. I was imagining myself having to excuse myself every 5 minutes to blow my nose, snot dripping down my face and coughing over his breakfast. Not a pretty picture.

Dating Tips (Part 2)

It’s Friday! And I’m home alone again. Studying. Sick.

Yes, I’ve been quiet because final exams are only a week and a few days away so I have been a good little girl and I have restricted myself from my laptop. But, ladies and gentlemen, here is Part Two and three more dating tips from my dating service report: 27 Dating Tips Special Report.

1. The first thing 99.9% (YES, THIS IS TRUE!!) of all the men say to me is that they do not want to meet an overweight woman. Looks actually come second! By contrast, women only occasionally mention they do not want to meet an overweight man. Weight is a big issue for men.

Okay, if you are pissed off at reading this, don’t feel alone. So was I. The idea that we’re only attractive within a range of sizes is absurd. And narrow. Does this even qualify as a dating tip? What does it mean?