Dating Tips (Part 2)

It’s Friday! And I’m home alone again. Studying. Sick.

Yes, I’ve been quiet because final exams are only a week and a few days away so I have been a good little girl and I have restricted myself from my laptop. But, ladies and gentlemen, here is Part Two and three more dating tips from my dating service report: 27 Dating Tips Special Report.

1. The first thing 99.9% (YES, THIS IS TRUE!!) of all the men say to me is that they do not want to meet an overweight woman. Looks actually come second! By contrast, women only occasionally mention they do not want to meet an overweight man. Weight is a big issue for men.

Okay, if you are pissed off at reading this, don’t feel alone. So was I. The idea that we’re only attractive within a range of sizes is absurd. And narrow. Does this even qualify as a dating tip? What does it mean?

Well, my inner-feminist came out screaming that this only reflects the message that it’s socially acceptable for men to be overweight, but women are judged and shunned when they aren’t fit and skinny, almost becoming de-sexualized. It’s all about male desire here, right? And yet, I live daily with those realities.

Okay, yes, this is difficult to accept because it affects my own dating pool and makes me feel powerless. It makes me uncomfortable and feel dreadful and, well, fat.

         I am guessing that I will have provoked one of three reactions here:

         1. The first reaction will be from people that insist that I have low-self esteem about my weight and that is probably why I am still single. If you are thinking to yourself that “it comes through to new people you are meeting.” Stop.

         Nope, that is not the case. Even though I have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle.  

         2. Others will come over and lecture about weight loss and health.

Before you do it, don’t. I have thought long and hard about my relationship to food (and exercise), and I have started to make some changes in order to remain healthy. I have recently joined a gym and I attend weekly (okay, the last two weeks have been really busy and now I have the flu). I also have both short and long term goals for doing so. I made those choices for myself, not for a man. So please save the condescending lectures (and arm-chair therapy) for someone else.

3. And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over and give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners.  The number will usually total up to no more than 2 or 3 mind you. Those stories ring hollow, because they ultimately amount to a futile attempt to amass enough exceptions to disprove the rule.

Yeah, this is a tough one. Feel free to weigh in... in the comments.

2. Grooming, grooming, grooming! If you want to meet someone nice, you yourself must be marketable. Start with your appearance. A man wants to meet a FEMININE woman. A surprising amount of men look at FEET! Are your toenails painted, are your heels cracked and dry, are you wearing ELEGANT shoes, are your clothes well coordinated, have you made the most of your face and hair? A woman also expects a man to be well-groomed, neat and well dressed.

         Again, it seems as if the men get off easy, doesn’t it?

         I’ll briefly touch upon the CAPITAL LETTER ITEMS.

         Femininity. I surely have been told that I’m viewed as ‘one of the boys’ and that I could act more ‘lady-like’. Comments like those don’t really bring out my feminine side. Neither does the colour pink. I guess it is worth looking into. Femininity, to me at least, doesn’t necessarily mean dressing like a girl. I have learned though that it also should not be associated with weakness. To me being feminine means respecting yourself. Women should be free to express who they are without thinking, I need to act like a man, or I need to tone it down to be successful. That’s a very good way to keep women down. I have bought earrings lately and I’m experimenting with rings. Look at me, all feminine and shit! HA!

         Feet. Oh Lord, why? I don’t get it.

         Oh, and here’s a fun fact for you. Did you know that the notorious womanizer, Casanova, and the serial killer, Ted Bundy, had a full blown foot fetish?

         I very briefly dated a guy who I could describe as having a foot fetish many years ago. He had a fascination with what shoes I was wearing and by our second date he offered to give me a foot massage. By date 5 he wanted to kiss my feet… It was weird so I gave him the boot. Ha! See what I did there? But seriously, can someone just explain this to me? I wouldn’t want to miss the point here and stand the chance of getting off on the wrong…foot…with someone. I’ll stop now.

         3. Be an interesting person! Develop your hobbies, be as versatile as possible. This will ensure that people respect you and that you always have something worthwhile to talk about.

I have always believed in something I heard many years ago: be interested, and you will be interesting.

So much truth in those words. I apply this to my own life and try to find what’s interesting in everything. I’m good at noticing things and good at listening. If you find people (and things) interesting, they’ll find you interesting. It also means that I can share ideas, let people play with them and that I can talk about them without having to talk about myself.

I think being single is a wonderful way to develop yourself. I am very thankful that I still have the opportunity to work at it every day. It's all about growth and becoming the person I really want to be.

Yes, it seems that desire is in some way socially constructed (no matter how much people justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’). Or maybe I’ve been spending too much time with my philosophy textbook.

I’ll see tomorrow. Yes, I’m going on a date with Number 3.

So cheers to the overweight girls, like me, who love themselves, love their feet and who still have a go at this dating thing because we know that there is only one of us in the entire world and who still believe that there are (at least some) decent men left!