Some people call it Valentine's Day - I call it thanks-for-reminding-me-that-my-life-sucks!

Ah, Valentines Day. I find it amusing that a day that is supposed to be all about love can conjure so much hatred inside of me. Yes, it is because I’m single. Still single.

Call it whatever you want, Valentines Day, Singles Awareness Day or Forever Alone Day, this day comes every year 14 February and to be single on it sucks. Don’t try to fool me with all that ‘I’m so content and free’ crap. Not on Valentine’s Day. This is a day where even a cute angelic depiction of Cupid wants me yelling: "Get the hell away from me - you useless, flying, half naked, midget bastard!" Yes, I have some rage issues.

Being single on this day, February 14, means you’re way more single than you are on February 13 or February 15. Like, way more. Now, there’s a lot more you can do than cry, eat ice cream, and feel bad for yourself.

Last year, I got extremely drunk and passed out in a parking lot. Not good. So, this year I decided that I needed a plan. 

You can read numerous articles online on how to survive Valentine’s Day as a single… which all seem to embrace the idea that by merely accepting the fact that saving some money and relishing in the fact that you have the bed and remote control to yourself will magically transform your Valentine’s Day into a glorious day of ‘self-love’. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t work that way, does it?

So, here is my little list of Do’s and Don’ts for V-day to at least try to make the dreaded day a little more bearable.

DON’T:

Stage an anti-Valentine's Day protest.

Yes, I’ve heard the arguments. You hate Valentine’s Day and refuse to buckle under the pressure to conform to purchasing gifts and celebrating the occasion and you find commercialization of Valentine's Day crass. I have used these arguments myself even though I’m a closet romantic at heart. Just give the people their day. And don’t tell me it is a “day of the devil”. As a single you want to maintain a low profile.

Decide to go out to scout other singles by yourself.

On any other day, maybe, but not on Valentine’s Day. Steer WAY clear of romantic restaurants or flower shops, unless you really want to drive yourself into depression. Who wants to sit and stare at couples all night long?

Auction yourself off for a date on your blog.

Yes, some people do that.

Eat yourself into a diabetic coma by overdoing it on the chocolate.

I speak from experience when I tell you that eating too much chocolate will make you spend hours bonding with the toilet and the only guy’s name you will be shouting is ‘George’.

Get together with friends or family members to discuss the reasons why you are still single.

Don’t torture yourself. You know this conversation will eventually end up with “You just need to ______.”

Be less picky. Be less discerning. Stop being so desperate. Smile more. Talk less. Talk more. Flirt. Make eye-contact. Go out. Wear brighter colours. Tone it down. Dress sluttier. Act more grown up. Meet more people. Shave your legs. Stop talking about books. Stop talking about your cat. Be less self-deprecating. Be less intimidating. Let them see how awesome you are. Cut your hair. Grow out your hair. Figure out exactly what you want. Change your profile picture. Go to bookstores. Go to coffee shops. Stop bringing up your ex. Stop looking so hard. Stop trying so hard. Put a little more effort into it. Stop being so passive. Wait for it to happen. Stop waiting for it to just happen. Be more confident.  Lower your expectations. Finish your degree. Date more. Get the rest of your life in order. Move to a smaller city. Move to a bigger city. Move to a different country. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Start making this a priority.

I could go on. Pity-parties WILL backfire on you because for some reason, people will be alarmingly candid about what they think is wrong with you as long as they say it within the context of dating.

  

VIABLE OPTIONS TO CONSIDER INSTEAD:

Perform random acts of kindness by giving out Valentine's Day cards to complete strangers

It will lift your spirits and help someone who needs it. Most importantly, you’ll appreciate all that you do have, instead of focusing on that relationship that you don’t have. Doing something for someone else can actually be construed as selfishly satisfying. 

Volunteer at a local shelter. 

Another way to give back. Just make sure you don’t volunteer at an animal shelter as you might just bring back that cat. No cats!!!

You can get hammered.

Now, I don't drink anymore, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't (unless you have a problem with it, of course).

Facestalk some old flames and see how many knocked up some girl out of wedlock or got fat and/or bald.

This should be used as a last resort. However, you will feel so much better. 

What am I planning to do? I’m rounding up another recently single friend for a fun night. Just because I’m single doesn't mean I have to spend the day or night alone! It will be a bit of a challenge as I have given up chocolate for Lent this year… I also don’t drink. What I do know is that we will steer clear of any form of chick-flick or musical. She is bringing her 3 bottles of wine and together we will attempt to cook an awesome meal. I know, it’s not a stupendous plan or even a half-assed attempt to solve Valentine’s Blues, but it will be much better than some of the things I have seen people do.

Do you have any advice?

Good luck, my fellow sufferers! Know that you are not alone in this. So cheers to making the resolution (just like last year) that this will be your absolute last Valentine’s Day as a single. Oh, don’t forget to at least try and have fun. Laugh it off – it helps. My friend just sent me this: What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day.

Didn't work, did it? For me either - it’s still going to suck. Oh, how I love to hate Valentine’s Day.