Embracing solitude in my home... and not wanting to do it solo...

Dear Reader,

I’m sorry I have been distant. To say that I’ve been busy is no excuse. You deserve better than that.

I treasure your loyalty and I hope that you've been salivating for my return to this blog, though I might be optimistic. I want to recommit to this relationship. We’ll start slow. I’ll give you all the time you need. 

Please don’t think that I am only affording you the attention since the Oscar Pistorius Trial is on a two week break (which helps, I won’t lie). In writing you this post I have realized that these few months have left me with tons of experience, ideas and topics that I would like to share with you.

Yes, this first post might seem bizarre. It's to show you that I miss you in my life. I need to write this blog to prove to myself that I'm not slowly losing my marbles and because it's the most fun writing I do. You make me a happier writer and I don't want to live alone any more.

If you’ll have me back, I’m ready to start over.

All my love,

Jeanine

Ps: I’ve been reflecting on how colossally banal my own solitary arrangement is AKA living by myself. You’ll probably deduce from the above letter that my life is indeed a sad one. But fear not, dear reader, I am still in a long distance relationship with a loving, gorgeous, incredibly kind hearted man. Yes, we’re doing great. No, this post is not a hint that my solitary living arrangement should change any time soon. I’ve just been reflecting on what it means to live alone. I fluctuate between feelings of “well, this sucks” and “I freaking love this”. 

But what does Google think about it? There is an avalanche of studies pertaining to loneliness with researchers who have investigated the effects of social isolation over the last couple of decades, and the results aren’t pretty. Yes, married people are happier and healthier. We know. But did you know that the odds of dying increase significantly among the recently widowed, something known as the “widowhood effect”? There’s evidence suggesting that strong social networks help slow the progression of Alzheimer’s. There’s even better evidence suggesting that weak social networks pose as great a risk to heart-attack patients as obesity and hypertension.

Living alone doesn’t have to mean that you are a hopeless shut-in. We live in a world where we have a permanent and ambient sense of the world beyond our living rooms and a fluid sense of when to join it and when to retreat. 

There are pro’s and con’s to each and every situation. Here are a few of my thoughts on living alone.

There are some things that will suck.

1. Your neighbours will inevitably come to realize that your unit houses an occupant of one. I have to cope with my divorced, next door neighbour (who still lives with his mother) flirting with me and listening to my conversations. I refer to him as “my pervert neighbour” on a permanent basis.
2. Having to answer the door when you are in full “hermit” mode and have therefore not seen a brush or clean shirt in a few days… and then realize that “my pervert neighbour” just wants to know what my thoughts are one the latest evidence on the Oscar Trial.
3. I constantly think about how badly I want a pet, because at least having another living thing around to keep me company would somewhat delay the spiral into absolute insanity, but then I realize that…
4. I kill my pot plants.
5. Constantly thinking of all the magical things you could do with this space you have all to yourself, but then realizing that you are not the owner and you could invest your money better.
6. You will ruin your back trying to move your heavy appliances for cleaning. But you will eventually learn that window cleaner sprayed in front of the feet makes moving stuff a dream.
7. You might be really hungry/annoyed if you can’t open your bottle of gherkins…for three days.
8. Your eating habits suck. Yes, they suck. You will get sick of all “ready made” meals and McDonalds is close by. Veggies become luxuries for when you visit your parents.
9. Your Tupperware cupboard is overflowing with containers you forget to return because people feel sorry for you and send you food.
10. All the leftovers might be yours, but reheating them means that the rice/pasta hardens up. I’ve found that placing a damp paper towel over your food before microwaving it steams and rehydrates your food. Yum. Rehydrated food.
11. You will also fall into bouts of cleaning/organizing that seem to put into question your mental health.
12.  Your mother will call, only to ask if you were sleeping or if you feel under the weather in the first five seconds – No, mother, I’m fine, I just haven’t spoken to anyone or myself in a few hours.

 Then, there are those things that remind you just how awesome it is to live on your own:

1. Obviously I have to start with absolute domination of the TV remote, the bed and the couch.
2. Realizing the amount of activities that are made infinitely more enjoyable by being performed naked or semi-clothed. Ps: cooking is not one of these – you do not want to experience steam or scolding hot oil on your tata’s.
3. Listening to music that even a 94-year-old senile man or 13-year-old girl would be embarrassed to admit to…
4. Choreographing dances to said music that you do repeatedly with broom or mop in hand.
5. Standing directly in front of the refrigerator and eating out of it, as plates and cutlery are for people with way too much time on their hands.
6. Drinking milk from the bottle – if you ever come over for coffee… you have been warned.
7. Becoming extremely creative at impromptu plates/bowls/utensils in case of laziness (read: washing dishes). Eating cereal out of a Tupperware bin with a ladle is more than acceptable now and again.
8. Peeing with the door open.
9. Always having the toilet paper in the OCD way you like: over, not under.
10. Farting without shame.
11.  I’ve got this friend who says that the most disturbing thing he has ever experienced is a warm toilet seat… well, none of that if you live alone!
12. Inevitably you start to lose all sense of propriety with regards to what your neighbours might be able to see or hear through your window. Wait, this shouldn’t be on this list…
13. Remaining in the same pyjamas for such an extended period of time.
14. Making a space on your bed all nice and comfy for your laptop and cuddling with it from time to time without judgement.
15. Not having to hide your chocolates or the ridiculous amount that you consume a week.
16. Not having to delete your browsing history or to feel shame for the things or people that you “research”.
17. Using all of the hot water in the shower. (Though, I should probably put “Having no-one but yourself to blame for your ridiculous electricity bill” on the ‘things-that-suck’ list).

So, living alone… I hate it, but I love it. From time to time I feel sincerely afraid that I’ll never be able to live with another person again, because who would ever want to give up the immense liberation of being the creepy half-human, half-animal that you get to be when you live alone? 

PPS: Dear reader, do you live alone? Or are you now longing for these blissful days gone past, forced now to pour your milk into a glass? Remember that communication is the most important part of a relationship. I hope to hear from you soon.

I am "your girl" always.