A year and a bit in review: joining a dating service...

My best friend from high school got engaged on Friday which served as a good reminder that out of the “Fabulous Five” only two of us are still single and unwed. It is exactly this type of post in my News Feed that prompted me to start an adventure that I labelled “The Social Experiment”. AKA I suck at dating and need help.

So if, like me (until recently! Ha!), you suck at dating you can join a dating service in the hopes of finding your ‘soul mate’. You’ll soon learn some valuable lessons and gain wisdom about the person that you are. Or you can save yourself R8500 and read my blog. Or you can read this summary of the past year and a bit that I spent dating and looking for love.

A little more than a year ago I was sick of being single and after dating all the wrong kinds of guys and unsuccessfully scanning the church for my future husband I started looking elsewhere for a man that could accept me despite my imperfections, a strong man who would love me gently and a man that would stimulate me intellectually. As it turns out I wasn’t all that good in finding such a man. I mentioned that I sucked at dating, right? So I found a dating service who promised to find my “soul mate” and who would do this in Pretoria.

I went on 8 dates. I told 8 men about my family, my studies, and my interests. I attended social evenings and I completed the ‘do-it-right’ courses. I questioned the dating service, I questioned the existence of real men in the world, I questioned myself and even had the occasional meltdown of pent-up fear and sheer exhaustion claiming that I’m done with dating. Forever.

And then the dating service would call, or a reader would comment or send an email or a friend would encourage me yet again. I dated chartered accountants, engineers, medical reps and IT specialists. I dated them in coffee shops, in restaurants and in malls. I dated them healthy and once probably just shy of a hospital stay. I dated single guys, momma’s boys, a divorced guy and a married guy… But I dated and I learned and I lived one more crazy adventure that I call ‘my life’. What did you do this past year and a bit? 

Back to basics: does he or she like me?

I find it so ironic that although so much has been written about dating, flirtation, relationships and all that jazz we still grapple with the basic question which no-one seems to have been able to answer… ever. Sure, they have tried. There are quizzes and checklists and psychics and articles and books and movies…. Yet, we will all inevitably turn somewhere for an answer when asking: does he or she like me?

This is the basic question. I’m not even going to address the other questions that will necessarily arise from this simple question. Is he only after your body? Does he find you intriguing? Does he think you are sexy? Is he devoted to you? Does it only become official if it is Facebook official?

I’m only addressing the basic question: does he or she like me? This is the important question that we all need an answer to - for subtly we know that if we start dating this person we will either break up with them or marry them… Add into the mix that a feeling of acceptance is a basic need and the fear of rejection is our biggest fear and suddenly this question doesn’t seem to simple, does it?