It's mating season people!

I’ve suddenly started noticing colours everywhere, fragrant aromas and soft winds, the purple puff of Pretoria’s Jacaranda filled streets, bees are buzzing and the birds are singing... And many of the songs you hear are mating calls.  Yes, spring and summer signal the arrival of that sexual behaviour in mammals that we call mating season. While it is clearly seen in hares and deer, I am very sceptical to refer to any specific time of the year as that being the human “mating season”. We have an Afrikaans saying that quite appropriately sums this up: Heeltyd speeltyd!

 

Hunny Bunny

However, there is just something about summer, isn’t there? There are some things that we observe which I can’t help but wonder whether these are mating behaviours. How else can we explain the excessive number of love junkies at the moment?

“You’re being bombarded by pleasant, exciting, novel stimuli, and novelty stimulates the neurotransmitter dopamine, which in turn triggers testosterone production,” says Dr. Helen Fischer, a neuroscientist, professor at Rutgers University and author of five books on the science of love. Dopamine is the naturally occurring chemical your brain uses to make you want things. While there are other systems involved in love, when it comes to new love, dopamine is the main culprit. And with enough of it swirling around your system, you're prone to fall in love - and fall hard.

Friends, your body has turned into a dopamine factory. Did you know that brain scans of people flooded with the stuff look a lot like brain scans of drug addicts? I suppose this makes sense, since being high on dopamine feels, as many lovers would put it, euphoric.

Enough with the romance. Let's cut to the real science.

My date with Number 8

You might want to call me either a slut or a judgemental hypocrite after reading the following post. Just saying. I’m prepared for that though.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.

I received a call last week from my dating service to find out whether I would be interested in going on another date. Number 8 was described as a 31 year old, medical rep that grew up on a farm, lives in Centurion, values his Christianity and who is divorced without kids. He phoned me on Saturday to schedule the date for this past Tuesday evening. The conversation was brief but light and we joked around a bit.

As I stood outside the coffee shop I received a phone call telling me to be on the lookout for the guy in a pink shirt. About two minutes later I was greeted by someone… in a green shirt. After he introduced himself and I tried to wipe the confused look from my face he said he thought that his little joke could break the ice. Weirdo.

My date with number 7

I’ve been spending way too much time sleeping, catching up on some much needed Facestalking, browsing too many cat pictures and finally watching the naked Miley Cyrus video on the internet. In short: I’ve been having the best time ever.

I suppose you want to hear about my date…almost two weeks ago…

Let’s do it!

I was quite excited to hear from my dating service when she explained that my new date was a 28 year old accountant, who really values his Christianity, has never been married and doesn’t have any kids. I was very excited that I would be dating someone “young”.

Now, usually I receive a text message from the guys asking for an appropriate time to call me. Number 7 skipped the call altogether and in 3 WhatsApp messages we had introduced ourselves and set a time and date for our first meeting.

His photo on WhatsApp made me cringe. It was horrible. This guy had a proper beer boep and he was carrying an umbrella… and it wasn’t raining… My mom joked and said that I would probably be safe just taking my pepper spray with.

Oh behave!

Please don’t ever subject yourself to a “behavioural specialist” or "life coach". Or for that matter anyone who tells you that they speak three languages: English, Afrikaans and Subconscious…

Last Thursday I met up with a ‘life coach’ as part of my complimentary, obligation free session I was offered at our previous social. I use the inverted commas because basically you can ‘qualify’ yourself in this field. There is no supervisory body or universal standard of practice or training, so, in reality, anyone can call themselves a life coach.

After my ‘life coach’ explained that a life coach is someone who helps people help themselves we began our session with her explaining that her office was to be thought of as a “safe space” and a “neutral area where there are no wrongs and rights”. Oh, what had I agreed to?

Next she started asking me some basic questions regarding my view of success, balance and obstacles. When she asked me what I thought my biggest problem or obstacle was regarding my interaction with others and I told her that I thought it was my inability to properly deal with criticism. I really suck with criticism. Generally, if people say something negative about me, I want to stab them. I generally think that I am right most of the time… As you can see, I have a major ego problem as well. Anyway, biggest problem: criticism. And then we got started...

Finding something like a wolfsheep or sheepwolf...

I hate quotes like this one. It places me into a box. You are either a sheep or a wolf. My brain starts running at inappropriate speeds when faced with quotes like this. I start to ask the weirdest questions…

What is the context this quote speaks to? Is the Christian ideal to be a sheep? I love the idea of being shepherded and often dream of heaven where the clouds are actually…cute, fluffy sheep. Where is my Clarissa Pinkola Estes book Women Who Run with the Wolves? I need to finish that book. Could it be genetically possible to create a sheepwolf? Or a wolfsheep? What if you were a sheep, but chose to show some teeth now and again? What exactly does it mean to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

Okay, so you might think I have some weird unexplainable adoration for sheep (you are right) and that I think too much (probably right again). However, I was so confused after our little event my dating service hosted this past Wednesday that all these questions seem quite reasonable.

This quote was used to end our event. Our event, meaning the “life-changing talk” on balance my dating service hosted where after we would have the opportunity to socialise with the stunning singles who are members of our dating service.

My bucket list

I knew from a very young age that I would want to live life to the fullest. At the age of 10 when asked to make a list of 5 things we wanted to do when we were grown ups I wrote “get married, have kids, become a doctor, own 10 dogs and go white river rafting in Zimbabwe”. That was the sum of my life’s ambition. As I matured I made a few other lists, though I kept these lists in my head. That is the worst place for a list …

A few years back I put pen to paper. As I aged, as I was exposed to various experiences, the more I experimented, the more of an identity I formed. My list still contained “get married”… but this time it had a name attached to it. Looking at that list now I am shocked how many items relate to my ex. Funny thing is - I achieved more on that list that improved his life than my own. 

I crossed off the items in blocks. I 'censored' my ex's name. Those that I blocked out... We shall not mention those.

So, in light of being single and fiercely independent, I decided to make a new list. This is my list.

I have been extremely lucky in that I have been able to tick off a few items already and once I achieve something new I will be writing about the experience. Yeah!

What an incredible experience compiling this list was in developing the clichéd “attitude of gratitude”. I am truly blessed.

Here goes!

Finding a new church or a new love: same difference!

When I moved to Pretoria earlier this year I knew that I had to find a new church. To me this was a process similar to dating. Many of the same rules apply when you are looking for the church that you can call ‘Yours’.

I started off attending what you could call a mega church (for South African standards). Let’s call her Number 1… Ha! I wanted to get involved as soon as possible and had even started following some of the ministers on Twitter and liked the group page on Facebook that catered for people between 20 and 30.

I was put in a small group which consisted only of 7 girls. 7 single girls. Apparently the bigger Young Adults group only met 4 times a year. So, somewhat impressed by die incredible display of cheese we spent our first evening watching a Louie Giglio DVD. I had not dropped the T-bomb (the ‘I-study-theology’ bomb) and received some weird glances when I didn’t proceed to make detailed notes in a notepad. Afterwards the girls discussed how they thought the parable of the 10 golden coins applied to dating… Now, I have a pretty active imagination but I could simply not see this.

What had I gotten myself into?