My date with Number 5

My dating life has turned into a slow churn, understandable for the amount of work I have been swamped with. I have been throwing myself into many different projects and I have been relatively nonchalant about the need to find my Prince Charming at this moment.

My dating service has not been too preoccupied and notified me that I would be receiving a call from Number 5 last week. Our conversation over the phone was nothing to write home about but we decided to meet on Tuesday as I was in Cape Town the weekend. Busy as always.

Here is what I knew beforehand: He is a 32 year old who lives in Johannesburg. He owns his own IT company. He loves reading, being outdoors, Latin and ballroom dancing and he was described as being an ‘energetic and outgoing personality, a real gem’. He is English. Never been married. No kids. (Yeah! No kids!)

I obviously took to the internet to start my stalking. Seriously, who in this day and age does still not have a Facebook account? I got nothing. So I sat back and decided to respond to his one message that gave me a place and time to meet him.

So, Tuesday night comes around and I meet him at a lovely, bohemian restaurant. As we were walking in he asked to talk to the manager as he had made a special reservation. Interesting, I thought. The manager then escorted us to the balcony for the view, which was amazing. I made the stupid comment that this was probably one of the only places in Pretoria where you could enjoy such a nice view of Pretoria without being raped. He then even more awkwardly asked which I preferred… I pretended not to hear that. I reminded myself that it was probably just nerves on both our parts. We sat down and I got a better look.

He was really not bad looking. He looked like a chubby Rob Bell (and I am a self confessed chubby-chaser), complete with the geeky-hip glasses and he had an incredible smile. He had some good, healthy hair and he was dressed very comfortable yet stylish. Looks – check!

The conversation started slow, forced, awkward. I remember posing the lame-but-necessary ‘what do you keep yourself busy with when you are not working’ question and he responded with ‘I don’t like that question. I would rather have it come out during the conversation than ramble off a list’.

Okay, I get it. It’s not the best question and I would also like to live in the ideal world of conversation flowing from one topic smoothly into the next slowly revealing your interests, hobbies and favourite past times, but we were struggling with the conversation. Mostly because he really wanted to order me a cocktail and I graciously declined and opted for a large cappuccino. I could tell that he was disappointed by this. The reservation and this made some part of me scream control issues.

Anyway, I listened to him talk/brag about his business and all of his connections. I was bored and stared at the Mercedes Benz key and wallet with cash pouring out that he so skilfully positioned on the table. I dislike this type of ‘courting display’…a lot! He also took three calls during the date and I was subsequently left alone at the table each time. He also told me that he was part of a kind of “Rotary Club for juniors” and I turned the topic to charity which led him to finally ask me some questions and I told him that I am studying theology. And then I heard the response that killed the date. He said: ‘I don’t believe in God’.

This is non-negotiable to me when dating. I have made it clear in one of my initial posts on this blog that I will not evange-date. My dating service assured me that ALL the clients were Christian. But even more than that, how could you possibly ‘match’ a girl who plans to be a minister with an agnostic? How?

Everything after that seemed to bore me even more. He went into great detail about a science fiction book he had read about people being trapped in silo’s and an elaborate description of the suits they had to wear to enter the world outside to clean a camera to see the aliens… I kid you not. However, this story did get me through my chicken and we got the bill after.

Another date. Another failure. I am seriously dissatisfied with my dating service and at this point in time I would not recommend it to anyone. Bald people, clashing personalities, still-married dads and now an agnostic – this is not my idea of being set up with compatible bachelors.

I guess that I have to accept that one of the tensions in dating is exactly the fact that we want to eventually marry people with similar values about faith that we are compatible with. Sharing beliefs or convictions and accepting Jesus Christ as your saviour is not a grey area.

I can’t help but wonder at this point if God is not actively teaching me some valuable lessons with the experience I am gaining with this ‘social experiment’. I am being confronted by some really challenging dating scenarios and ethical questions. So, for now, I will continue on this journey and I promise to blog more often. I have been slacking.

So cheers to the adventure continuing and remaining true to God. Lord, Your will be done, not mine.