My date with Number 4

You might want to read my previous post first (or again) for the pre-date summary of Number 4. This is the post-date post. Yes, I know I said I would have this post up the day after, but I needed some time to think the date and my response through. Here’s why.

My date with Number 4 (the technically still married with two kids dude) had originally been scheduled for Wednesday evening, but a few days ago he sent a SMS to reschedule as he had “forgotten that his daughter had something on at school” which he needed to attend. He told me that he had quite a busy week and that we could meet on Tuesday at 20:30. To me, 20:30 was a weird time. My mother joked that he probably had to put the kids to bed before coming out and my sister and I speculated whether or not he had a cunning plan to try and get me drunk and take advantage at such a late time.

Anyway, I arrived early and my whole being was determined to simply ‘get through’ the date as I had clearly made up my mind that I was not prepared to date a married man with two kids.

And then he arrived. Holy moly!!! This man was gorgeous. Think Blue Bull’s player, Flip van der Merwe-meets-Channing-Tatum gorgeous. (Okay, Google Flip van der Merwe and just know that I like the rugged type). I’m not exaggerating – this man is some serious eye candy. He is quite taller than me and has that rugby type body. Hubba-Hubba! I was completely thrown by his appearance and as we were walking towards the table I kept thinking that I was surely going to hell for desiring a married man. Well done Jeanine!

We had a great date. Seriously great. He immediately took the lead and was very curious with regards to my studies and bow hunting. Ha! He hunts as well, he watches rugby, shares my love for authors like Wilbur Smith and C.S Lewis, travels quite a bit and he is a church going man. We laughed and joked and shared past experiences and future dreams. This is the type of man that any girl would be lucky to have in her life. This is the type of man that I would love to have in my life. I could understand why the lady from the dating service could imagine a ‘fit’.

I had completely forgotten that the date was exactly that - a date. I hadn’t even thought that he might ask me questions as well. I eventually tore my eyes off his face and saw that he was not wearing a wedding ring. I don’t know why I thought he would. I didn’t even get to my planned onslaught of questions. The opportunity didn’t present itself, I guess.

Don’t fret, though. I wasn’t about to let little mister Adonis distract me from listening with an expertly trained douche-bag-spotting-ear. There were some very peculiar statements like “As you know I am divorced…” That, my dear friends, is in the past tense. But then he would follow it up with something like “It’s better to bite your tongue, I find that especially true with my wife” And that, my dear friends, is present tense. Wife. Not ex-wife.

Get the picture? The conversation became polluted with mixed messages. So, I didn’t ask all the questions I planned to because I could sense this was a subject best to be avoided and he even said that he hates talking about it because people just assume that he is an open book. I did, however, ask how old his children were – he has a daughter, 4, and a son, 2. He and the mother (and wife or ex-wife… I don’t know) are still on good speaking terms. This was towards the end of the date and suddenly he asked for the bill. I think I might have been pushing my luck with the questioning. The date lasted for two hours and we went our separate ways.

I drove home thinking how downright unfair life had been by throwing me this curve ball. I was confused. I liked Number 4.

Now, at home and with his face still fresh in my memory I started my Facestalking. I had tried earlier the week but he has a very common name. People should really read up on Facebook privacy settings!! I found out that he was married 5 years back to a really beautiful wife. Their kids are adorable. He has an entire album dedicated to his family and they seem to keep in good contact as in October last year (a mere 4-5 months back), they still exchanged little hearts on their photo’s and in January a friend commented on a photo of his wife saying that Number 4 was a lucky man… January - that is last month…

Ding ding DING!!! If those aren’t red flags, what are?

He sent me an SMS yesterday morning saying that he had a really good time and that if I felt up to it we should get together some time. I have decided to be honest with him and not to pursue any further dates. Not only am I not willing to date a married/divorced man, I’m definitely NOT adding step-mom to my bio and I am not willing to be a ‘rebound’ for him just because he feels the need to prove to himself that he is worthy of love and affection.

I’m sorry, but who the hell dates after a month of divorce? A MONTH!? Personally I don’t even think he is divorced yet. I think he’s not nearly ready to start looking for a happily ever after – just a happily after…divorce.

I just know that this has been an incredibly tiring, stressful and enlightening experience. Dating is really complicated sometimes.

So cheers to the continuing search for my knight and avoiding the nightmare. Ha! The search continues…