My date with Number 8

You might want to call me either a slut or a judgemental hypocrite after reading the following post. Just saying. I’m prepared for that though.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.

I received a call last week from my dating service to find out whether I would be interested in going on another date. Number 8 was described as a 31 year old, medical rep that grew up on a farm, lives in Centurion, values his Christianity and who is divorced without kids. He phoned me on Saturday to schedule the date for this past Tuesday evening. The conversation was brief but light and we joked around a bit.

As I stood outside the coffee shop I received a phone call telling me to be on the lookout for the guy in a pink shirt. About two minutes later I was greeted by someone… in a green shirt. After he introduced himself and I tried to wipe the confused look from my face he said he thought that his little joke could break the ice. Weirdo.

Looks wise, I’d say that Number 8 definitely was a solid 8 a scale of 1 to 10. The conversation started off with him explaining that he viewed himself as a “maternity locum rep” which basically meant that he stands in for the people on maternity leave. I joked that he probably worked for a very fertile company but the joke, (yes, it was lame) went over his head.

He used the exact line: “Enough about me, what about you?” and then followed up with “I hear that you are studying theology, how long do you still have to go?” I was just getting started with my answer when he took control of the conversation again and started telling me that he had felt God leading him to study theology as well. Apparently, I had not yet heard enough about him. However, I thought that the rest of the evening would probably prove to deliver some remarkable conversation.

I need to put a small disclaimer in here: A friend, who also studies theology with me, recently introduced me to the term “charismaniac”. Please note that there is a difference between a charismatic person and a charismaniac. My dear friends, I applied this tender term to Number 8 with great ease.

Now, I want to explain here that I do not discriminate against the charismatic churches. The church that I attended most this year is classified as charismatic. I love the Holy Spirit, but sometimes I question some of the “spirit-filled” practices.

To be classified as a charismaniac though, certain elements might apply to you in the list below:

1. You use the terms “prophetic voice”, “anointed”, “prophesy”, “new season” and “favour” at least three times every 10 minutes.
2. You don’t bat an eye when you hear the minister/pastor say, “God told me…”
3. You strongly appeal to the gift of healing. Some believe that AIDS can be cured with prayer
4. You believe infilling or baptism of the Holy Spirit, with-or-without the laying on of hands cancels out the need for theological training (or that 6 months is sufficient)

Why did I chuckle at the rest of the conversation with Number 8, the charismaniac? Let me explain:

1. He started off by explaining a dream “God had given him” in which 4 balls of fire were shown to him and he saw his family and friends being taken up in the rapture, he was left behind.  God had told him that he needed to prepare the way…
2. Next he said that he thought all secular movies were immoral and “of the world”. He told me about his experience after being forced to watch X-men or Wolverine or some other weird movie in which he received some prophetic words about a parasite in the heart and then he proceeded to quote some Scripture about sin in the heart.
3. He told me that he had a “rebel phase” during which he became paranoid after being in a smash and grab and acquired a paint ball gun with solid metal balls. He shot at person during an episode of road rage and after becoming aware that this was in fact the wrong thing to do (he said “the Spirit led me to believe it was worldly”) he decided to change. This change was presented in the form of “praying Scripture” to blind a person who had been involved in a smash and grab with a friend of his…
4. He subsequently claimed to have witnessed many miracles of healing including seeing a leg grow out till the same length and migraines disappearing.
5. Oh, and he was planning to “enter a new season” in his life soon and start his own church.

I asked Number 8 how long he had been with the dating service and surprise, surprise – I was his first date.

I left about an hour and a half later with lots of information on parts of Christianity I have yet to experience or understand, a bit relieved to be free of his overwhelming dominance of the conversation and pretty sure that I wouldn’t contact Number 8 for a second date. Am I judgemental? Yes, and if I offended you, I am sorry.

Why could you call me a slut? Well, because I have sort of, kind of have feelings for someone else. Did Number 8 stand a fair chance on Tuesday? No.

Yes, the mystery man was aware of my date on Tuesday. Still figuring out exactly where I stand and how this will progress, but I called my dating service yesterday to inform them that I am putting my ‘subscription’ on hold for a while… Yeah!

So cheers to new adventures - I guess I just have to wait and see what happens.