Things you should not do when spending a Friday evening alone

I suspect that I might be suffering from ADHD (attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder). Now you might say that constantly being distracted or impulsive isn't as bad as being, say, a serial killer. But, I have found that in my case it may cause emotional death.

I have had one hell of a week and the plan was to drag my exhausted body to bed early yesterday and just sleep. Instead, I decided early yesterday afternoon that my apartment needed a serious spring clean. Nothing says relaxation like being crouched over scrubbing a toilet. But I argued that I would probably get distracted during the fast approaching exams and start cleaning then, which would surely end in disaster as I know from experience that ANYthing seems like a superior priority than studying.

So, I spent the early hours of Friday afternoon doing the week’s dishes and catching up on some laundry. And then I started to develop my single blues again. I ended up having had a really horrible evening. Yeah, sometimes it sucks being single.

I decided to compile a list of things I really should learn to avoid. Here goes…

Things you should not do when spending a Friday evening alone:

1. Don’t go out by yourself, unplanned.

Sitting in a coffee shop and pretending that you are reading a book is chic for weekdays, but not on a Friday evening when everyone is out. You will feel depressed and end up loudly "booing" at couples as they walk by, giving them a thumbs down if they look your way.

2. Don’t drink by yourself.

I am an expert on this. Trust me, it never ends well.

3. Don’t watch The Notebook or anything that’s about rampant casual sex or a lot of killing.

Be careful. In some of those movies that seem like they’re about casual sex (No Strings Attached, Strictly Sexual, Friends with Benefits) the main characters actually develop feelings and learn to grow and love each other! That’s exactly what you’re trying to avoid!

4. Don’t Facestalk your exes and compare yourself to their new girlfriends.

Even if you win, it’s not worth it. Move on.

5. Don’t scare your pets.

I don’t think they appreciate you randomly kissing them and proceeding to talk to them as if they were a baby before you start sobbing like a mad woman and explaining to them that they are the only ones who will ever really love you. Being single is bad enough – you do not want your dog to steer clear of you for the next few days.

6. Don’t compose love poems.

Trust me; there is nothing worse than composing poetry, except for composing bad poetry. And anything you write right now is going to be pretty ghastly. If you avoid number 1 chances are good that you will skip this step.

7. Don’t spend all your time with dear mom and dad.

Some of us don’t have an issue with keeping up with our parents. Others have to be held at gunpoint. There is however nothing worse than spending your Friday evening stuffing yourself with junk food at their house and then leaving feeling guilty that you can’t provide the grandchildren they desperately yearn for.

Example: This morning my dearest mother entered the dogs in a dress up Halloween party…The woman needs some grandchildren!

8. Don’t spend too much time on the internet.

This is what inevitably happened to me last night. I spent the evening browsing a Facebook friend’s wedding photos. On Pinterest I was confronted by 1000000000000000000000000000000000 billion wedding boards. Twitter reminded me that I was about the only one spending my Friday evening alone. And never, ever venture off to YouTube! You will end up being confronted by either ridiculous weight loss strategies and develop even more body issues or you will end up in the dreaded wedding video’s.

So instead of resting and getting some much needed sleep, I ended up crying myself to sleep in the foetus position after watching one too many proposals on YouTube. Yes, they are the ultimate tearjerkers because they are real.

Yes, I felt sorry for myself last night. That happens when you are single, it’s normal. I think this time of year is the worst. Everybody is planning their holidays with their significant others and the Christmas decorations serve as a gloomy reminder that I will be spending another Christmas with my parents.

So cheers to Friday nights that suck sometimes and Christmas with two adorable dogs dressed as elves.