My date with number 7

I’ve been spending way too much time sleeping, catching up on some much needed Facestalking, browsing too many cat pictures and finally watching the naked Miley Cyrus video on the internet. In short: I’ve been having the best time ever.

I suppose you want to hear about my date…almost two weeks ago…

Let’s do it!

I was quite excited to hear from my dating service when she explained that my new date was a 28 year old accountant, who really values his Christianity, has never been married and doesn’t have any kids. I was very excited that I would be dating someone “young”.

Now, usually I receive a text message from the guys asking for an appropriate time to call me. Number 7 skipped the call altogether and in 3 WhatsApp messages we had introduced ourselves and set a time and date for our first meeting.

His photo on WhatsApp made me cringe. It was horrible. This guy had a proper beer boep and he was carrying an umbrella… and it wasn’t raining… My mom joked and said that I would probably be safe just taking my pepper spray with.

With my personal safety in mind we met up at a restaurant in a large mall. Let me get to looks first: the photo on WhatsApp was a real disappointment. This guy didn’t look like his photo at all. He didn’t have the beer boep, but he was chubby - as in cute chubby. And without his umbrella casting a shadow over half his face I actually found this guy attractive. He had the cutest smile.

So, I introduced myself and when he didn’t get up, I extended my arm and greeted the man with a handshake. As I sat down I asked how his day had been and whether he had had a busy week and this was his answer:

“Yes, I had a busy day. Please don’t sit here with any intentions, this is only the first date and I would like to be friends first.”

Uhm, what? I laughed it off as a joke. I have many wickedly sarcastic friends and I thought this was probably one of the same types.

The conversation started with basics. I found out that he works as an accountant with his dad. He has older siblings who are all married. He still lives with his parents. He doesn’t really have permanent hobbies. He likes watching sports, but doesn’t participate in any.

Somehow the conversation seemed to be forced. Things didn’t seem natural. I guess it was because he didn’t allow any silences. This became extremely awkward as soon as our food arrived… I caught myself chewing really fast because he would pose the questions just as I had put a piece of chicken in my mouth…He would throw in the weirdest questions: what do you prefer, the sea or the mountains? What is your favorite number? Do you like white or brown bread?

Now, fair enough. When you are on a first date you need to have some basic small talk topics to keep the conversation flowing. I have admitted that I hate small talk on this blog already, but I despise these kinds of questions even more. These questions are close ended. They require a simple yes or no, A or B answer and then the topic is closed. How do you elaborate on white or brown bread? Seriously.

The more open ended questions also seemed weird… I asked him what kinds of movies or shows he usually was attracted to and he answered:

“Well, I like comedies. I’ve watched Leon Schuster’s movies. And I have watched the Titanic. Have you watched the Titanic? It’s sad.”

Uhm…okay, so this was not a sarcastic guy. This was the real Number 7. Socially awkward and a wee bit behind regarding secular movies…

As I told him that I had indeed seen Titanic in 1998… and elaborated on shows, festivals and other cultural events that fascinated me I saw his eyes light up… He told me about his Innibos experience where he had seen a few shows as he and his mom went up there.

Next he asked whether I had seen Kêrels wat kook, which is a pathetic dating show on KykNet in which men cook to impress a girl. Yes, I answered and he shot off into an elaborate week for week summary of what he and his mom thought of the show…

Then he started talking about his mom in nearly every topic… It was at this point that I started having weird Freudian thoughts of him and his mother strolling along in Pretville, arm in arm, in the shadow of an umbrella…

Focus Jeanine! Focus!

The highlight of the evening came when we started talking about church. I told him that I had been visiting all kinds of churches lately and he said that he and his mom also wanted to attend a new church. He invited me to join him and his mom on Sunday. I kid you not.

Thank goodness I had church plans in place for that Sunday, but last week Saturday I receive a message from him asking if I would like to attend the church service the next day. All I can say is thank you for probably one of the busiest months I have experienced. Let’s see what happens this weekend. Please keep me in your prayers.

I’ve checked my “Premium package” details with my dating service and I have a minimum of 10 introductions which means I still have at least 3 dates left… God help me! Number 7 did say that he had been with the dating service for two weeks… And judging from the comments he made about his first date I know that the dating service had set him up with poor old Economist Girl. I could actually see why they would be suited. Problem is… it seems that there are no eligible men currently in my dating service directory. Oh no wait, there has never been any eligible men in my dating service directory.

No, I won’t be going on a second date with Number 7, or his mom. I would rather get back to packing for my move at the end of next week and wasting my time on the internet.

Ps: whatever you do, do not Google anything to do with incest. A friend told me that Number 7 sounded like one of those kinds who write secret love letters to their moms. I wanted to find out more… The horror! The HORROR!!

Cheers peeps! I need to start thinking about a new plan concerning my lack of appropriate dates. I think I might have something in mind. I will tell you all about it soon!