My date with #6

I finally had a date with Number 6! I say finally because we were introduced two weeks back. After the initial phone call and checking of schedules, we agreed to meet in the next week, but we didn’t set a date. A week later, after not hearing anything from him, I sent a message to try and fix a date.

Our schedules just didn’t seem to line up. I spent last weekend in Thabazimbi with a friend at a real boere Wildsfees and we even saw a contestant  from the Boer soek ‘n Vrou show who entered last year… I’m taking this as a good sign.

Anyway, back to my date. The only time that suited him was on Tuesday evening. I was writing my first exam on Wednesday, but I thought ‘we really need to get this date going’. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop at 20:00. I pitch at the coffee shop at 19:55. At 20:05, at the risk of looking like my date had stood me up I go into the bookstore next door… Browsing…browsing… buying a book…ordering my own hot chocolate…reading my book…

At 20:18 I get a message from Number 6 that he is in fact in the bookstore. And then I see him.

Since he doesn’t have a Facebook account I had to go on his WhatsApp profile picture which is a ‘professional’ photograph. You know the photo where a man leans against a wall, hands in his pockets and stares longingly into the distance… My friend said he probably had make-up on as she noticed the discolouration comparing his face, ears and arms. Ha! I thought that was hilarious. He was not that bad. Hell, I even had a gay friend say ‘Oh, he’s cuuuuute’.

 

This is not Number 6... unfortunately!

Nope, he didn’t look like that at all. He didn’t even really look like his profile picture. He’s 30 now, but he looked much older. He has jeans on with… a sweatpants top. Yip. Lekker Kempton!  Now, I usually greet my dates with a hug as I feel this breaks the ice from the get-go. This time I had an awkward semi-hug-stage when he greeted me with a handshake and we sat down.

I started the conversation by asking him to tell me about his work and passions. He then spent the next 5 minutes going off about his work – something telecommunications…something with engineering… second only to Telkom…perks...stock exchange... completed his studies in 4 years…. large salary...Working for 7 years now…

I really had no idea what he was talking about. I did however compliment him for completing an engineering degree in 4 years and I asked if he enjoyed what he was doing. “Not really”.

After answering the standard ‘what-do-you-do?’ question myself, he pops this little nugget into the conversation: “My ex girlfriend was a Jehovah’s witness and it was really difficult maintaining that relationship”. He also then asked whether I thought “choice of your denomination” really mattered.  Before I could even answer, he proceeded to downright condemn my denomination for ‘bashing other churches’ and he 'hated people who did that'. Oh, the irony. I didn’t tell him to which denomination I belonged – I just said that I don’t have the notion of this is ‘right’ and that is ‘wrong’, but I’m glad that there are many expressions of the Christian faith.

Okay, the first ‘rule of dating’ is probably known to all human beings: DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX! Other topics one should avoid are politics, religion, the death penalty, assisted suicide, or your sexual history. Granted, I can’t really deny that I’m studying theology but I would rather not enter into a hard-hitting theology discussion on a first date.

I changed tactics and told him about some of my hobbies and I even went into another direction  by turning the conversation to the bookstore and whether he had read something interesting lately. But he seemed disconnected and uninterested, answering everything with one word: "yeah," "uh-huh," "right," "cool” or "no".

While my dating service raved about this ‘sporty guy who loves of travel’, it turned out that the highlight of his travel experience had been a trip to Cape Town (with his ex). And he didn’t even see Table Mountain.

His hobbies included going to the gym and… Yeah, that’s pretty much it. I felt a bit of relief when he added that he had previously played ‘touch rugby’ at a club. YES!!! Even though I don’t consider ‘touch rugby’ to be real rugby, at least we now had something to talk about. I asked about the position he played and what rugby team he supported… long pause from him… to which I added “Ag, moet my net nie sê jy’s ‘n f***** Lion supporter nie”. Translation: “Please don’t tell me that you are a bloody Lion supporter”.

It sounds so much better in English and I probably would have been better off by saying that in English because I saw an immediate change in him after my little ‘utterance’. No, he really does not support the Lions, he supports the Bulls. But still, I obviously irked him with my ladylike language. Not even the fact that this was clearly meant as a joke helped - I had been judged. Yes, I study theology. No, I’m not a saint.

Before I knew it, I was in my own head – cursing myself this time. But I didn’t want the date to end up being just another one to chuck onto my pile of uninspired mediocre first dates. I realized that I had been doing most of the talking, and scared that the conversation had become a monologue, or even worse, that I had been preaching (Ha! So ironic!) -  I decided just to give Number 6 a chance to speak.

Nothing.

The final minutes of the date felt like waiting for the flat line and accompanying extended beep.

We left on friendly terms, with a hug and a post-date "thanks" message back and forth. I decided to not think of Number 6 as a boring person, but rather as a person who has a boring life. This is either a sign of my emerging maturity, or just evidence of my complete lack of interest in this scenario.

By 21:10 I was home. I studied some more and then went to bed alone. Again. But, reading a quick poem from my new book, I felt happy to be alone after that date. Really happy.